Tuesday, 5 September 2017

back from Berlin...

I'm back from Berlin now. It made a great break from pressures at home but I'm not sure I got up to the amount of depraved debauchery (or is it debauched depravity?) that my readers expect of me! Perhaps I was too tired. Though Inés did get involved in some body painting in the centre of Berlin so was photographed naked at Checkpoint Charlie!

Here is a link to a photo. NSFW

And no, before you ask, the golden cock isn't mine. I was taking the photograph.

I did also get to meet Heidi, the creator of Pique Lingerie while I was there. At that time she was very stressed as she was trying really hard to get lots of publicity to support her Kickstart campaign. Since then she has found out that the campaign was a success so is thrilled by that. Thank you to those of you that have offered support.

We tried to fit in a photography session but didn't have the time. So a bondage shoot is now planned for a future visit!

Thursday, 17 August 2017


I'm flying to Berlin tomorrow to meet up with Inès. I'm hoping to have lots of fun and, who knows, perhaps some delightfully decadent debauchery!


I will also be meeting the founder of Pique Lingerie for a coffee so I am also looking forward to that.

I'll let you know all about it when I get back.

Well, nearly all...


Saturday, 5 August 2017

lingerie, sensuality and fetish...

Decadent lingerie from Berlin for the fuller figure...

I'm afraid this post starts as something of a promotion. I once before advertised an online book on spanking by an online contact that I thought was good but I think that is the only previous time I have done this.

I have a friend in Berlin who is setting up a lingerie business for the fuller figure.

" Inspired by Berlin's hedonistic, pleasure-seeking underground, Pique Lingerie explores the nuances between desire and decadence, temptation and compulsion It seduces you into rousing hidden urges and embracing passion without compromise." Well that's what it says on the website!

Perhaps you might like to have a look at the website here or the Kickstarter site here. She talks about it herself and how it was motivated by her search for sensual lingerie for the fuller figure and inspired by her growing love of fetish and Kinbaku in a rather lovely video here.

I hope you might find it interesting and even pass it on to other friends who may like it.

It has made me think though about the role of lingerie in bdsm, kink and fetish. Women - do you like to dress up for your partner? Can it give you a feeling of power or submission? Can it just make you feel positive because you have made the effort to look attractive, sexy or seductive? And men - do you like your woman dressed seductively for you, whether as dominant or submissive?

(I have to admit that I rather like the look of women dressed as dominatrices even though I have no desire to be dominated. Perhaps it is because I like strong women. I must enjoy the challenge!)

Sunday, 23 July 2017

being outed...

In a recent post here I discussed "coming out" about ones BDSM lifestyle. In the comments Dani said she had been "outed" by her X.

Being outed is a whole different ball game from deciding to come out oneself. As Lea commented coming out or being outed could have huge consequences for her.

Some time ago gay activists outed prominent people who were gay without their permission. Often this was to illuminate hypocrisy and to further their cause for equality and acceptance. This was widely criticised by many.

Given that the consequences of being outed as in a BDSM lifestyle can have such adverse consequences, can it ever be justified?

Have any readers had experience of this?

Friday, 30 June 2017

the views of vanilla friends about BDSM...

When I was responding to some of the comments to the previous post about coming out I had some thoughts about the potential views of vanilla friends.

There may be a significant lack of understanding from many in the vanilla world. When some have come out to friends it has resulted in a judgemental response and then friendships have been lost. However, I can understand  that some friends might be concerned and initially unhappy for understandable reasons.

In the case of a female submissive a friend might be shocked at the nature of the relationship if each of them had understandably strong views about the rights of women and their equal place in society. It might be that in the vanilla world the submissive in this case is perceived as a strong woman who would advocate these rights. This could cause some confusion in the friend who could not reconcile the submissive nature of her personal relationship with views about appropriate roles for women.

A vanilla friend might find it very difficult to distinguish between abuse and consensual use in a relationship or play setting. To many in the vanilla world much BDSM play must seem like abuse - especially the more extreme forms of play.

I think in these cases the friend who was negative might not be being judgemental but being properly concerned for a friend. It might take a lot of discussion and education for this to be resolved and in some cases may never be. If the response is not purely judgemental though then perhaps that is OK. Surely it is good to have friends looking out for you.

Friday, 23 June 2017

coming out

Are you out to friends and relatives about your BDSM relationship? Few are I think. Despite the new popularity of BDSM themed novels and films the BDSM scene is seen as rather strange and scary to many in society. Indeed many will find it distasteful and immoral. Issues of feminism, human rights and abuse can soon come to the fore.

So we tend to keep it quiet in the main other than with friends in the scene.

Lea wrote a little while ago on her blog about coming out to a friend who she thought would understand. Someone she hoped she could talk to freely and honestly about this important part of her life and relationship with the person she was closest to. Sadly that friend was unhappy about it. She saw it as something unhealthy, to be cured. You can read Lea's blog post here. One of her commenters had a similar experience which destroyed a friendship.

Inès and I once came out to a younger, broad minded friend. She too though could not understand it and misunderstood the nature of out activity even though she knew us well. Fortunately it has not affected our friendship.

I wonder if others have had similarly negative responses - or do you just keep it quiet just in case?

Saturday, 17 June 2017


A comedy film came on TV last night just as I was going to bed. It was quite amusing and I found myself watching it all the way through. It was about three couple entering a competition for the most novel wedding. One couple wanted a naturist wedding and spent most of their time in the film completely and explicitly nude though there was no eroticism or sex in the film.

Afterwards I googled the film to find out some more about it and discovered the actors playing the naturist couple had been shocked at quite how explicit the nudity was when shown. They were unhappy about having shown their bodies so totally. Was this some kind of shame in their bodies? Lack of confidence? Or just that they felt they had been misled and exploited?

How do you feel about your body? Are you happy to display it naked? Do you even get off on it?

Inès delights in being nude in public. She does it as her job as an artist's life model. She enjoys exhibitionism. We had hoped to go to a recent event where all the men were in suits and all the women naked but were unable to attend. Though even at that I understand some women kept certain items of lingerie on. We plan to go to a local fetish event soon with Inès naked and me fully dressed.

I have worked with her once as a life model and there were artists there who I know. I felt completely at ease with it.

For some it is a delight rather than a fear. It can be completely asexual in certain circumstances but in others have a strong erotic charge.

Have you been naked in public? Did you get off on it? Would it be a challenge for you? Dare you... ?

Do tell...

Friday, 9 June 2017

"un art de vivre"?

I came across this comment on Twitter today,

"BDSM… Un art de vivre, pas un hobby."

Roughly translated - "BDSM... A lifestyle not a hobby."

Is MonsieurF right? Must BDSM be a lifestyle rather than a hobby or can it be either or even something in-between?

Thursday, 25 May 2017

severe spankings and beatings

How severe a spanking or beating can you take if you are a sub?

It will depend of course on the type of spanking being administered. An erotic spanking may not work if it is too hard, a maintenance spanking may be harder and a punishment spanking harder still. There may be lots of other factors that come into play. For instance the time of day, the time of the month, attitude, build up, environment, trust in or love for the spanker.

There are some who find that from regular beatings their bottom no longer marks as easily. They may crave being marked and desire ever harder beatings to create those marks. Though I have another friend who used to love a severe spanking. However since a change in relationship she has not been spanked as often and finds that her pain threshold has reduced.

There is a very interesting long post about spanking and pain tolerance by Ros here that readers may be interested in.

What is the hardest beating you have received? Would you like to repeat it? Do you gain satisfaction in pushing yourself further in receiving harder spankings?

Friday, 19 May 2017

sub drop and dom drop

It was nearly seven years ago that I discussed sub drop on the blog. You can read the post and comments here. I looked back at it recently as I found myself in discussion with someone about it.

She felt it might be stronger from a sub and Dom perspective after sensual play rather than just from physical or impact play. She also found it could come upon her a couple of days after the session.

It reminded me of the responsibilities we each hold for one another in caring and supporting each other on an ongoing basis and the need to look out for later reactions.

It also reminded me of examples of dom drop that I have read about. My own experience of that is fairly minimal - what one would expect in reaction to any intense experience. Though I know there are some Doms who have become fearful of what they have discovered in themselves after extreme play.

Monday, 8 May 2017

you deserve...

By chance I came across this yesterday and thought I would share it with you...

"You deserve a lover who wants you disheveled, with everything and all the reasons that wake you up in a haste and the demons that won’t let you sleep.

You deserve a lover who makes you feel safe, who can consume this world whole if he walks hand in hand with you; someone who believes that his embraces are a perfect match with your skin.

You deserve a lover who wants to dance with you, who goes to paradise every time he looks into your eyes and never gets tired of studying your expressions.

You deserve a lover who listens when you sing, who supports you when you feel shame and respects your freedom; who flies with you and isn’t afraid to fall.

You deserve a lover who takes away the lies and brings you hope, coffee, and poetry."

Frida Kahlo

What do you deserve?

(...apart from a good spanking of course!)

Thursday, 20 April 2017

oral and BDSM

In a couple of posts recently on A Kind Dom here and on Uncle Agony here we have been discussing oral sex, whether subs enjoy it or not and how to get over distaste for the activity.

Dani loves it (do read her take on it here!) Abby likes it when she is given permission! Lea and SugarSack don't like it but are trying for their Doms. Mary finds it revolting and is looking for advice on how to cope. And this is within a typical vanilla experience of oral sex.

However, much porn now shows women being forced and choked in oral sex scenes. They are perhaps the most D/s and BDSM oriented scenes in vanilla porn. I wonder if many Doms like to control and perhaps humiliate their subs in this way? Also are there any subs who get off on this kind of activity? Does it give you pride to be able to take it deeply or a strong feeling of submission to be forced in such scenarios?

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

If a sub really cannot accept coming in her mouth...

Mary has written to Uncle Agony about this here.

She really cannot cope with her Master coming in her mouth and this is beginning to cause serious problems.

Is there a solution?

I know Mary is eager to hear suggestions from readers so please do comment on Uncle Agony.

Friday, 7 April 2017


Do you swallow?

- semen that is. I had an email this week for Uncle Agony about it. I'll post it next week.

Meantime I'm still in the throws of moving house and recovering from illness. Nothing major.

More soon...

Thursday, 30 March 2017

revisiting "Primal"

While I am busy I thought you might like some reading. Earlier this year I wrote a post on primal play. It attracted some interesting comments and discussion. I was surprised to note that it became just about the most read of recent posts. So perhaps you may be interested in reading a blog post I came across recently. You can find it here. It perhaps extends the notion of primal play into the broader realm of sexual activity.

It would be great to hear what some of you think of the post.