Thursday, 29 January 2009

The erotic power of submission

I wonder if many submissives understand the power they wield by the very act of their submission. It is an erotic power.

It has happened to me often when reading an email. Typically an email that has no salacious content, nothing especially expressing submission - but from a woman who I know submits to my will. I have become aroused. Hard with desire. Just from the knowledge of her submission to me.

This is not the power of one particular woman. It has happened to me innumerable times with more than one woman who has given me the privilege of being her Master.

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

ideas and posts ...

I've got lots of ideas for new post - honest I have. It is just trying to find the time to write them that is hard.

So in the meantime pop in and see my friend lili.

She has started posting again. So catch her while you can. She could also do with a few hugs at the moment. Send her my love.

Thursday, 22 January 2009

More tears

Thank you again for all those who commented on the first tears post. This is such a personal area and it was good to begin to understand different perspectives.

Selkie also published a post about tears. You can read it here. In it she explains how for some women it can feel to be a weakness to cry and why many strive to avoid tears in certain situations.

I remembered too a discussion with a sub a long time ago - where she felt that some subs in a difficult scene might use tears as a kind of "topping from the bottom" to try to control the scene and the level of intensity. She was somewhat critical of this. Though I will talk in another post about topping from the bottom.

Tears certainly can be used by some women to manipulate some men. I guess this is done in a conscious way by some women but in others might just be learned behaviour - that tears help them to get what they want. Whilst I am very moved by tears and want to console and help a person in distress I have personally never felt manipulated by them. (Well there is one person but that is a very long story!)

I was once a senior manager in charge of a medium sized organisation. My deputy at one time was very firm and appeared quite hard to staff. But with me when we were discussing difficult issues she often came to tears. We had a professional relationship and we would get past that. It never affected our decision making. I was worried though about her ability to take over if I was to leave because of this propensity. However she eventually took over quite successfully and presumably found another outlet for her emotional frustration. Or perhaps when I left she didn't have the same frustrations that drove her to tears! There was many other times with staff where there were tears but I cannot recollect ever feeling manipulated by them or changing a decision because of them. Am I so very hard!?

I know some strong women too can be angry and frustrated when they see other women using tears manipulatively as a means of getting their way rather than through more appropriate ways.

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

my tears

I shed a tear today. I was watching the presidential inauguration of Barack Obama.

I hope he may turn into a great man. The world needs one just now.

Wednesday, 14 January 2009


Tears ...

I had a session with a sub I have met a couple of times just a month or so ago. Near the beginning she started to cry. She is into humiliation and degradation which isn't my thing - but I aim to please! So as she was pleasuring me I started describing something she had done recently with another Dom that she had written about and saying what a cheap slut she was.

I suddenly realised that he was crying. I had hit a nerve - psychologically rather than physically. I stopped the scene. I took her into my arms and held her and just hugged her as she sobbed until she was done. Then we lay down together and cuddled and chatted and discussed the issues until she was ready to start again.

She is an experienced sub. She has taken some fairly hard strokes of the cane and crop from me without flinching ... but a few words ... ?

Tears can come very unexpectedly.

I have a very close online friend who was my pupil. She can be brought to tears easily by the thought of injustices in the world or just by melodramas. But she cannot cry for herself. She feels she needs to cry for herself to get out all the hurt and pain that has built up from the abuse she has suffered from so many for so long. But she cannot do it. She cannot cry for herself. She has written of wanting to be beaten to make her cry. To make her cry for herself. I don't think I am that strong. I wrote her a story of it to explain. I know I could hold her close in my arms to kiss away the tears ... but I am unsure I could beat her so hard. I am not sure any Dom could. She is very strong and very determined.

There is no weakness in tears. I can be brought to tears myself so easily - too easily perhaps since the consequences of some personal circumstances in my life. Too many men feel that tears are not for them - so women can get catharsis from their pain through tears - whereas for men the catharsis is too often through anger or uncontrolled violence. Of the two I feel that tears are the more preferable. So there can be something positive in tears.

But to set out to create tears ... there has to be a context I suppose.

Are there readers who cry in bdsm scenes? Are there those who try to create tears? Is crying positive or negative for you?

What does it take to make you cry? Do you get catharsis from tears? Do you want someone to kiss them away? Do you want someone to create those tears?

Sunday, 11 January 2009

a new blog

I had a discussion with Lady Alpha last week. She is fascinating and very experienced. She had so many interesting things to say that I suggested that she too might start a blog. She surprised me by announcing that she had set one up that very morning.

It is in its early stages but she already has a few posts written. You can find it here. Do pop in and say hello.

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

poly relationships ...

It can sound such fun - two subs for the price of one! Though it always seems to be two or more subs with the one Master - rather than the other way around! I don't suppose that would work. Though there are Masters who lend out their subs - perhaps that is the equivalent. (I have just recollected also Dom/Domme couples who share a sub.)

Contact websites often include requests for another sub to join an established D/s relationship.

I wonder how well these relationships work in reality. We have often talked here of the importance of trust. I guess in a polyamorous relationship that aspect of trust is all the more necessary. I wonder how one stops jealousy coming in to the mix? Sharing can sometimes be very hard. Maybe it just needs even more quality communication than in a two-person relationship?

A reader wrote to me a little while ago about the fact that her relationship with her Master was about develop to include a close female friend of hers. At the start though there was a concern about communications and a worry started to niggle. Talking it through sorted it out ... but even amongst close friends there was perhaps the hint of jealousy right at the very beginning.

I hope it is working well for them now.

Tuesday, 6 January 2009

today ...

... I was going to catch up on answering all the recent comments from kind readers over the festive season. I was going to publish a new and stimulating (ahem) post.

I was going to climb a mountain, compose a symphony, make love to a beautiful woman, cook a gourmet meal, throw a snowball, write my life-story ...

Ooops, sorry, slipping into fantasy there!

But the day disappeared. However, I did some important jobs and went for a walk and took down all the Christmas decorations and chatted with a friend.

Tomorrow I will be a kind Dom and will blog. I promise!