Tuesday, 31 July 2012

coming soon ...

No - I said "coming" not "cuming". I don't know - the minds of some of my readers!

Just to say thanks to those who contributed suggestions to the post below. It has given me a couple of ideas for new posts. Also I have had another query for Uncle Agony so that will also get some attention soon. However I plan to be away again for just over a week - but promise lots of new thoughts on my return.

Tuesday, 24 July 2012


I had another very popular blog written under a different name. That was very popular too. It discussed another part of my life that raised considerable personal and social issues.

In the end I stopped it suddenly a couple of years ago. I had found it hard for a while but kept going. Partly I did not want to disappoint a regular and loyal readership but I suppose I also welcomed the affirmation of readers who gained support from it.

Perhaps there are different ways I could could go back to it and continue it.

I have found the "Kind Dom" blog a bit harder to maintain recently. It is difficult to be fresh and come up with new and interesting topics so it has been very gratifying the my "Followers" total continues to grow and have had two readers recently been kind in giving me an "award".

I do want to continue the blog. It helps me to know that there are so many who try to have a thoughtful and ethical approach to D/s and BDSM. It is good also to be able to debate the difficulties and contradictions in that.

Time constraints also weigh heavily. I need to find time to be able to do it as well as talk about it!

In the meantime - do bombard me with questions and issues to get my thought processes going again and to help me rediscover a freshness in these topics. The recent discussion on "control" certainly helped me in that. What are the key issues in D/s for you?

Thursday, 19 July 2012

who is in control - the comments

I had started some time ago, before I went on holiday, so begin to respond to the comments on this post. It was fascinating that this particular post generated such an interesting discussion. People have been adding to it again even recently. If you have not read the full discussion, I do recommend it. You can find the full thread here.

I have read it through again now. Some contributions are working from a thoughtful, logical starting point, others express individual needs. The thought for a sub that she may be ultimately in control can destroy the whole dynamic. Given the time lapse since the original thread I am finding it difficult to come up with any very thoughtful summary or conclusion. I think it stands as a whole and I do hope you will find the entirety interesting.

I will include below in italics the draft thoughts I had started a few weeks ago, before some of the later comments were added.

Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post "who is in control". What a fantastic discussion. Everything written there was interesting and thoughtful - and contributed constructively to the debate. I have found it hard to find a good response of my own. I kind of don't want to take sides in the debate as it stands - as I think that all sides of the discussion have very valid points - and in the end does it matter?

I think too that every relationship is different. I have tried to emphasis throughout this blog my view that there are no right and wrong ways to have a D/s relationship but we have to each find our own way built on care and trust.

I do think that Dannah Bridger is right to advise us not to confuse "control" and" power". I know just the very act of submission is very powerful. It certainly has a powerful physical and emotional effect on me. It fills me with desire and love. It urges me on to take control to emphasise and increase her submission.

I understand how Miss G finds "submission is a gift" to be trite. However I believe it is - and knowing it is such can allow one to be in control. I know if ever I have doubts about a sub wishing to give me her submission then it weakens me and my ability to dominate. However I do also understand her point that from the subs perspective the whole point is that she has given up control and does not want a Dom who cannot share that view.

There are several comments that emphasise the power in a sub being able to withdraw her control. So it is interesting that ...

I must have had something fascinating to add here but I have forgotten what now!!!!

In the end as DV has said "does it matter if the sub has some control or not?" It clearly does to many given the amount of discussion that has arisen! Though perhaps it is all a matter of semantics. In the end we will all seek fulfillment in working on the dynamics of our own relationships which will work where trust and consideration for others sits alongside control.

Whether you control or are controlled, good luck and have fun.

Again - thank you all.

Monday, 16 July 2012

awards ...

Thank you ...

... to littleone and ara for kindly giving me the 'one lovely blog award here and here

I'd better get writing again so that any new visitors have something new to read!