Thursday, 10 March 2016


I have been in conversation with Graham and have just published his recent email on Uncle Agony here. To me the issue at the heart of it is the guilt his partner feels at having an extra-marital relationship to meet her submissive needs.

Over the years I have known a lot of submissive married women who have not been able to get their needs met by their husbands. Many of them have sought help and solace on the internet often developing close online relationships. Some have gone on to have real life affairs with Doms or have had temporary real life experiences.

I know that many of these submissives who comment on the blog have positive real life relationships where their primary partner is able to meet their needs? But what about those who do not? Many are in a real dilemma that they do not wish to hurt those closest to them who they dearly love. However a core need of their very being is not being met. I am sure there are some who carry on with their life with a deep unhappiness and regret. Those who decide to have online or real time affairs though may well feel guilty that this is secret, behind their husbands back and a kind of betrayal.

How does one get round this?

Thursday, 3 March 2016


In a comment to my recent post about spanking Anonymous wrote, "I'm pretty certain that everyone in this lifestyle has some childhood trauma that motivates them, even if they don't remember it."

He sounds very certain about that and is a psychologist and has had twelve years in therapy himself, so perhaps he knows what he is talking about.

Though Marijke Vonk wrote here, "SM is not correlated with physical abuse, sexual abuse, childhood trauma, symptoms of PTSS, personality disorder, sexual disorder, mood disorder, anxiety disorder, or, well, anything really. We’re as healthy (or ill) as the rest of the population." This is from her blog at

She also sounds very certain, is also a psychologist and provides some references though they all seem to be from the same journal in the same year. So I suppose she also knows what she is talking about.

Though as Anonymous also points out, "I'd have to say that it appears nobody really KNOWS anything with certainty."

So what is the opinion of my readers? Is there any evidence that BDSM is correlated with childhood trauma or abuse?