Thursday, 26 May 2016

on being released

There is a new post on Uncle Agony where Graham asks if he should release his sub. You may like to pop over an read it and add your thoughts here.

It got me thinking though about the concept of a submissive being "released". It isn't a word I have come across recently but I remember a few years ago hearing it used quite commonly, certainly amongst a group of friends at that time. It might be because of relationship problems a couple of submissive friends were having whee they were released or asked to be released. Being released by a Dom was basically being dumped.  Whereas if the sub wanted to dump her Dom she had to ask permission! I am sure if permission hadn't been granted they would have gone anyway.

Though soon after that my online submissive at that time suggested I release her because of a real time relationship that was becoming more intense for me togehter with the fact that she was having problems. I'm still working out whether I had been dumped or not! LOL

What about readers. Have you ever released a sub or asked a Dom to release you? Did it feel like being dumped?

Thursday, 19 May 2016


The last three posts discussed keeping the excitement in BDSM play. It was interesting to read the different comments from readers. It got me wondering though about excitement.

Is excitement something that people crave at all? Does it matter if it is no longer exciting? Perhaps the whole point of bdsm and D/s is just that it becomes incorporated into the fabric of your daily life. It just is.

How is it for you? Do you crave excitement or do you just want bdsm and/or D/s to be a routine part of your life?

Thursday, 12 May 2016

The excitement has gone - 3) Safety

The third point that was raised (if you have not already, do see the previous posts here and here) related to safety. Safe words are of course very important in bdsm play. However she suggested that she and her partner negotiate so much to the point where she knows exactly what he is going to do to her. In doing so she came to realise that even as a bottom she was in complete control of the situation.

She is a performer and does scenes in public. In performance she recognises the need to discuss detail but in public and private scenes she found that was the case as well. Where then is the excitement in that? Where is the submission in it? She can stop it at any time. She no longer feels vulnerable. She continues to enjoy it of course but ...

It no longer touches her soul.

Do readers find this? Do safe words put the submissive in control? Does negotiation take away the excitement of the unexpected?

How does one ensure safety whilst being able to build feelings of vulnerability, anticipation and excitement?

Thursday, 5 May 2016

The excitement has gone - 2) The first time

Following from the previous post, the second reason that was described as having contributed to the lack of excitement was repetition. What had initially been so very exciting and edgy though constant practice now became closer to the norm.

That very special experience of the first time when it was somehow edgy, out of the normal, almost extreme and certainly on the edge of her comfort zone was somehow lost. She had done it so often that whilst she still got pleasure from it that specialness of it being edgy and new had gone forever.

Doing something for the first time, going to a new and special club, being suspended for the first time when one was anxious about it, having one's first flogging, anything for the first time that is gong to cause anticipation and possibly anxiety. One cannot perhaps get those feeling back. You can only do it for the first time once and that first time will have its own special excitement.

In longer term the perhaps one finds the edgy excitement of bdsm is dulled by repetition. Do you recognise any of this? Are you feeling jaded? Do you sometimes long for something new? Is there a way around it? How can one keep it feeling fresh and exciting?